


A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Is It? Time Stamps

by Extra_fried_noodles



Series: A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Is It? [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Timestamp, Tiny bit of Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-08-02
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Extra_fried_noodles/pseuds/Extra_fried_noodles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of time stamps for "A Series of Unfortunate Events, or Is It?".<br/>Will need to read that for these to make proper sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You think we'll ever see them again?"

Alex lay next to Hank on the bed, drawing soft circles over his bare chest.

"If Logan had his way, we'd be on Genoshan soil, before Charles and the others even got there."

"He misses the kids that much huh?"

"Them and Ms. Grey. He was following her around like a lost puppy."

"Ha! More like a horny wol- Ouch! Easy down there Sean!"

Sean lifts his head, his lips were red and glistening with saliva, among other liquids.

"This is hard work, some focus and appreciation, please?"

 

* * *

 

{"Come here, my love."} Charles lifts his hand to Erik's temple.

"Wait! I'm sorry I joked about you clearing out the fridge. I know it's because your pregnant. I think you're beautiful like this! Please don't wipe my memo-"

Charles makes a face, not unlike women dealing with PMS on top of idiotic men.

He grabs Erik's left hand and places it over his four-months-along bump, while placing his other hand on Erik's temple.

{"Can you sense her?"}

"...Lorna?"

Erik suddenly feels this sense of 'who the fuck are you'.

Tears of joy falls down Erik's utterly dumbfounded face.

 

* * *

 

Erik was half way through preparing breakfast when he noticed a new video message on his phone.

"Chaarrlllessss! Guesss who's druuunk!"

Raven. At some party.

"When arre you coming baaaack? I waanna see yer kiddieess!"

Erik smiles a little at that, she does make a great aunt. She'd be an amazing mother.

"Aazzzz! Come say hi to Chaaarless!"

Azazel makes a two fingered salute to the camera and then grabs his girlfriend to give her a mouthy kiss.

"Mmmmmmm...Oh!"

Things quickly descend into obscenity after that.

Erik wasn't fast enough in closing the video file.

 

* * *

 

"I got it! Shit I got the job!"

Alex burst through the door of their shared apartment.

Sean, as usual, was cooking something mean in the kitchen. His passion for cooking had really taken off ever since the three of them moved in together.

Hank was due back from his longer hours at work in about an hour.

"What's up?"

"Armando just told me they're letting me join Stark Industries' arson expert team!"

"Really? That's great, congrats dude!"

"I still can't fucking believe it! They said my juvie record has been expunged!"

Sean slides up to Alex, and kisses him breathless.

"Wait until Hank gets back, then we can really celebrate"

 

* * *

 

Erik doesn't remember the last time he was this frustrated.

Frost and Shaw was nothing compared this.

"Mama!"

"No David, it's Papa. Can you say Paa Paa?"

"Mamamamamaaa!"

"Mama Mama Mama Mama..." Pietro chanted while he ran circles around his father.

Charles walked into the room with Wanda in his arms, and was immediately welcomed by a chorus of "Dada!"

Erik slumps to a corner and pouts.

 

* * *

 

"Today, I am honored to announce the signing of the Stark-Xavier Treaty, formally establishing diplomatic relations between Genosha and the United States."

Senator Stern felt quite the opposite of honored. He owes it to his many years as a politician to pull of a convincing smile for the cameras.

"I now hand the stage over to two people fundamental to this treaty. Mr. Tony Stark, and Genoshan representative here on Earth, Ms. Raven Darkholme."

"Thank you Senator Stern, always a pleasure." Tony shakes the senator's hand and gives him a wink.

Stern returns with a flat smile, and discretely wipes his hand over his trousers.

 

* * *

 

(Spelling errors deliberate, its Genoshan baby!)

"You're doing great, maus! Keep going! Push!"

"Fffcccuukk! Huuh huh...Ssiiiihhtt!"

"Breathe baby, in and out, in and out."

"Fcukk my berthaeing! I lathoe youuuu and yuor pfrcetly froemd piens!"

Erik was still struggling to learn Genoshan, he understood only a handful of words and phrases.

"I love you too, sweetheart! Now push!"

 

* * *

 

(Spelling error deliberate ;) )

"Oh my God! Look at her! Bring her closer to the camera!" Raven looked close to tears on the large monitor.

As if on cue, Lorna gave a loud yawn.

The chorus of 'gaws' was deafening.

"Oh Tony! Come look at Lorna!"

On screen came Tony Why-am-I-wearing-these-three-day-old-sweat-pants Stark.

"Congratulations to you both."

"Tanhk you, Tony"

"...yeah..." Erik still couldn't keep the dreaminess out of his voice.


	2. Chapter 2

In the past few days, Alex has been non-stop with his gushing of new colleague, Armando "Darwin" Munoz.

Today was no different.

On the 23rd minute of listening to Alex explain why the arson team nicknamed the man Darwin, Hank snaps and roughly grabs Alex by his shirt collar.

"You had better not be cheating on us, Alex!"

The growl that emits from the young doctor would make alpha wolves cower and retreat with their tails tucked between their legs.

"What the actual fuck? What the hell gave you that idea?"

"You have been going on about the guy. It's worse than Erik and his squee for Tony."

"You too, Sean? I can't believe you two!"

Hank has the decency to look at little ashamed.

"...but now that you've mentioned it...what do you all think of a foursome?

The next day, Alex went to work sporting a nasty red hand mark on his left cheek.

 

* * *

 

David narrowed his eyes and flared his nostrils.

+"Don't think just cause your all cute and small with your tufts of green curls, you can steal all the attention!"+

Lorna looked utterly unimpressed.

#"I said this before and I'll say it again. . .you?"# She didn't even need the accompanying head swinging and finger snapping.

Above the bickering siblings, a cloud of pure dark evilness formed.

_"Silence the both of you!"_

The siblings looked up, and raised an eyebrow in perfect unison.

_"I am Onslaught! The manifestation of all the evil and bad assery in your parents."_

The cloud changed its shape into a chubby baby. In a diaper. Of cloud.

_"My reign of the universe will begin with taking your body, green haired girl!"_

David's eyes go a ghastly white and start to glow intensely. The cumulus entity withered and dissipated, along with its cussing.

+"Bitch, nobody messes with my sister but me."+

#"Face it Mohawks, you love me and you can't get enough of my cute."#

David grabbed the nearest object, his teddy Legion, and threw it at his sister. When it missed, he screamed war and attempted to tackle her instead.

Charles comes back to the room with a tumbler and a bottle in hand.

He can't help himself from flipping out his phone and taking photos of what seems to be David giving his little sister a tight hug, and lending her his favorite toy.

 

* * *

 

 **Blue_mystiques:** i just dont think i'm ready for it :/

 **xGenoxGroovesx** : I'm am certain if you sat him down and talked things over, he'll understand.

 **Blue_mystiques:** i kno...but he seems so excited bout it...its like his new hobby..

 **Blue_mystiques:** he's got like 20 viewings plannd 4 the wkend. Its what we'v been doin for the past month...looking at housing apartments condos EVERYTHING!...we'v had sex like only 2x this month!

 **Blue_mystiques:** and the agents just fedding him all this other bull! He's talkin bout baby rooms and school districts...

 **xGenoxGroovesx:** Has Azazel been talking about marriage with you? This is a completely new side of him, how adorable!

 **Blue_mystiques:** Orz

 **Blue_mystiques:** u think theres something wrong wit me? Isnt this what i should want?

 **xGenoxGroovesx:** Not being ready does not mean there is something wrong with you. There is also nothing wrong with being scared.

 **Blue_mystiques:** hells yah i'm scared! What if i ruin the 2nd best thing to happen to me?

 **xGenoxGroovesx:** What was the first?

 **Blue_mystiques:** You dummy! ;P

 **Stark_Fan_059:** Excuse me while I go throw up..

 

* * *

(Since both parties understand each other, I'll forgo the 'Genoshan spelling')

"My King, a word?"

"Jean! What would you like to talk about?"

"Did you give my personal contacts to the human named Logan?"

"Ah yes! Logan seems quite taken with you."

Charles is all bright eyes and innocent smiles.

"I fail to see why that matters to me, your Highness."

"You're too dedicated to your job, Jean. You need a little romance in your life!"

"Romance...a human on another planet, with possible steroid abuse and unruly sideburns?"

"Oh! So you have been checking him out."

Jean deflates a little, "I check everyone out, for your safety, my King."

"And I thank you for your diligence. The truth is I'm hoping you'd be willing to join us on our trip to Earth, and I'm sure Logan would be more than happy to show you around."

The redhead lets out a exasperated sigh, "Fine, but I cannot promise his mental safety if he tries anything."

 

* * *

 

"Charles! Erik! It's so good to see you!"

Erik's eyes start twitching, the long voyage back to Earth was still not enough time for Erik to prepare himself to be face to face again with the three fucksateers. Together. In a row. All at once.

Charles' mental laughing and snorting did not help.

{"Hank, I have missed you all so much."}

Pietro ran from his father's side squealing towards the welcoming party.

"Hey little dude! Look how much you've grown!"

"Alice! Come see Lona! She teenee!"

"Not cool little dude! It's Alex. Can you say X?"

"Yeah! Dats dada!"

Pietro ran back towards his father yelling, "Mama! Alice wanna see Lona!"

"Dude, I thought I had it bad."

 

* * *

 

'That was King Charles of Genosha giving his first public speech since his arrival...'

Lorna had just finished her bottle and Erik propped her close to his chest, head over his shoulder, to softly burp her.

Charles was in the adjoining room supervising breakfast for the older children. He can hear Pietro arguing with Wanda over how best to help feed David.

Erik is grateful for the relative quiet of Lorna and the television.

'And there you can see Erik Lehnsherr, the man that captured a king's heart. Ooohh look, all the children are with him too. He's really taken on the maternal role well. He's glowing! It's such an adorable sight!'

At that, Erik gives Lorna a harder pat than he intended, and she releases a disturbingly manly burp.

A warm fuzzy sense of ' _.papa_ ' embraced Erik's mind.

"Your welcome, baby girl." Erik kissed the top of Lorna's head.

The fuzzy feeling grew stronger, focused towards the bowel area.

"Oh crap! Sweetheart, you need to stop making daddy want to poo when you want to poo!"

A crooked smirk forms on Lorna's face.

 

* * *

 

This was Charles and Erik's first night alone since the children.

Azazel was all giddy and fell over himself to offer to babysit for them at his and Raven's new three bedroom home. White picket fence included.

Erik was equally giddy, but for obvious other reasons.

He's planned so much for tonight. Romantic dinner, cozy walk back to a hotel.

Then non-stop-fuck-festivities.

  
__________

 

As they wait for their drinks to arrive, Erik noticed a familiar face sitting across the candle lit restaurant.

His eyes widen and brows reach his hairline in wrinkle enhancing slow-motion.

It was Tony is-he-on-a-date-I-think-he's-on-a-date-why-didn't-anyone-tell-me-he-dates-men Stark.

Erik almost falls out of his chair trying to get a glimpse of said date.

Abruptly, Charles chokes on his water.

{"Bloody hell! It's Steve I'll-be-keeping-an-eye-on-their-actions-tonight-mainly-from-Tony's-POV Rogers!"}

 

* * *

 

"Hey gorgeousssssly wonderful aunt with my favorite twins." Logan's current monobrow said volumes of his confusion and disappointment.

::"Hope you don't mind Wanda and Pietro joining us today."::

"We gonna see horsies!"

"Will there be ponys?"

"I didn't actually mean riding...on horses."

Logan will never forget the power behind a two pairs of glassy puppy eyes and wobbly lips. Their step dad has taught them well.

  
__________

 

"Weeeee! Faster! Faster Logan!" Wanda drove a leg into Logan's waist hard. Don't ever let her quiet demeanor fool you.

"Me me me wanna go now! I wanna jump high up!"

When Logan said he'd take Jean out for a ride, never in his worst nightmares would he have envisioned this.

 

* * *

 

"Look, I know I give mind blowing head, but my jaw is kinda sore today, so..." Sean pushed himself away from Hank's beast.

Alex and Hank gave worried glances to each other.

"What?"

"Sean, look, I don't know how to tell you this...uuumm..."

"What bozo's trying to say is, you err...you can get a bit loud during...when things get heated."

The red head's gaze flicked between his lovers.

"And by loud, we mean neighbors calling noise control loud."

"You guys have been using your penises as mufflers?"

"..."

"Guys, there are plenty of ways to silence a man."

Darwin works his magic, and Sean becomes a breathless heap of boneless flesh.

Survival has never felt more euphoric.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm late. I'm never late."

"Raven, baby what are you talking about? We're perfectly on time."

In fact, by Azazel's watch, they were five minutes early for their reservation.

He had made sure, tonight of all nights, they were to be on time.

"No, I mean I'm late!" Emphasis on the vagina area.

Azazel was a picture of complete confusion for all of two seconds before he allowed himself to believe it.

"Crap...this isn't how its suppose to go..."

Raven did well to hold her emotions, and pulled herself together before she answered, coldly.

"I see."

"What? No! Nonono! I was gonna...I had it all planned..oh fuck it."

And right beside the parking meter, 10 meters away from their favorite little restaurant, Azazel got down on one knee, and bypassed his weeks of planning for this very moment.

"Raven Darkholme, will you make me the happiest man alive, and marry me."

The blonde stood speechless, with her mouth hanging open, while other people on the street stopped gawked at them.

"I'd present you with the ring, but it's currently inside a specially made cake we were supposed to have for dessert."

 

* * *

 

"No! No no no! I want mommy!" Wanda pushes herself away from Charles as if repulsed, and clings onto Erik.

"Papa! I want mommy!"

Erik's mind feels cold and empty at Charles' sudden withdrawal. But he can see clearly the heartbreak on his face.

Wanda's shrieking has also begun to affect her twin brother.

Pietro's eyes welled up and lips wobbled as he asked, "Mommy? Where's mommy?"

Charles tried to comfort Pietro, but he too pushed his step father away, and attached himself onto Erik's leg.

This may be the first time Charles found himself cornered and truly hopeless.

"Charles," Erik cups his lover's cheek with his free hand, "I'm sorry, could you please look after David and Lorna on your own today? I'm going to take the twins out for a bit."

  
__________

 

"Hello Magda. Look who's come to visit you today."

"Papa, why are you talking to the stone?"

Erik held the twins close, and inhaled deeply to prepare himself.

"Wanda, Pietro say hello to mama."

  
__________

 

Later that night, after tucking David and Lorna in, Charles peaked into the twins' room to check on them.

They were not in their room.

Charles did a mental scan, and found the twins safe, beside their father. He thought it best to give them all the time and space they needed.

Which was why he was completely taken aback when he entered the bedroom to find his soul mate and the twins settled snugly on the king sized bed.

"...Dada?"

Wanda poked her head up from Erik's shoulder. Her eyes were wide and anxious.

"Dada! We missed you!"

Pietro jumped out of the bed, and made a run for Charles.

Charles remained at a loss for words, while his legs turned to jelly and he slumped onto the carpet floor.

Wanda was close behind her brother, and both wound themselves tight around their dada.

"Dada...I'm sorry..."

Wanda wiped the tears running down Charles' face.

{"You have nothing to be sorry about, my little dove. Both of you."}

 

* * *

 

"Raven, I heard! Congratulations! When's the big day?"

Ever since meeting up with Erik at this very bar a few years back, Raven has been a loyal patron, and is now good friends with bar co-owner, Angel Salvadore.

"We haven't set the date yet, but I have something big in mind. You're probably gonna tell me I'm crazy."

"Ha! Honey, you? Crazy? No! Go on, spill!"

Raven took a large gulp of her beer.

"So my brother and Erik never did get their big day..."

Angel nearly dropped the bottle of whiskey she was half way through pouring.

"You're not seriously thinking...what? You wanna make it a double wedding?"

 

* * *

 

"So...what do you guys think?"

Erik said nothing, but looked like he was suffering from weeks of constipation.

{"Raven, you're very sweet, but this is your big day. It should be all about you."}

"But Charles! You don't even have a ring!" That was said through her teeth, directly aimed at someone with much bigger teeth. Ouch.

Immediately Erik's mind was a blur of

Charles chuckled, {"My love, I don't need a ring. We have four beautiful children together, that is better than any ring. Besides, it saves me the trouble of getting you a ring as well."}

Raven raised her eyebrows to Threat Level: You Had Better Fucking Get My Brother a Ring and Make Him so Happy He Poops Rainbows.

 

* * *

 

"I would be honored to be your maid of honor!"

Moira meant it with all her heart too.

Although Raven had only know her for a a little over a year through her diplomatic work, they've hit it off, and became fast friends.

Moira works for the CIA, and is normally in charge of the security detail and maintaining surveillance on Senators Kelly and Stern, or anyone else that had dealing with Shaw and Frost.

Raven was quite surprised that Moira would be so enthusiastic about being the maid of honor. She didn't seem the type at all.

Must be another side of her.

 

* * *

 

(Name misspelling intentional)

"I'mma be Tony Spark, and you can be Mr. Captain"

Pietro stood in front of his siblings and pointed at each in turn.

"And David's gonna be Ms. Pottie, and Lorna can be the talky computer thing."

"Why are we doing this?" Wanda was normally into her pretend plays, but even this was a bit out there.

"Papa says we should act like our heros, and papa's hero is Mr. Sparks, and if papa's my hero and Mr. Sparkles is papa's hero, then I'mma gonna be like Mr. Parks!"

+"Kids these days"+

Lorna wobbled her head in agreement. #"Mmhumm"#

 

* * *

 

Raven was just now wishing she had never suggested the double wedding.

Who would have guessed that Erik would be such a bridezilla.

That, coupled with Moira's 'Everything has to be meticulously perfect' attitude, had Raven banging her head at the walls.

"OK! We have at 10 am. the florists, 1 pm. cake tasting, and 4.30 pm. catering. I've taken the liberty of doing full financial and background checks on all of them. They're clean. Oh, and Erik, you and Azazel have a second fitting at 7."

"Moira, that's a pretty tight schedule, you really think we can fit all that in today?"

Raven was a little sick at the thought of running around New York making 'these important decisions' all in one day with these two.

"It's fine, gives us more time if we need to change them."

Yes, and change them Erik had. The cake people were the tenth shop this week. Don't even get Raven started on how Erik inspects the florists.

This was going to be a long painful day.

 

* * *

 

"Guys, this is not working."

Three pairs of astounded eyes blinked back at Alex.

"We need a bigger bed! I fell out for the third time this week!"

"This room isn't going to fit a bigger bed. None of our rooms will."

"Maybe we should get rid of the bed and get those futon things."

"...oooor maybe Alex is saying we should move into a bigger place?"

"You think Charles and them would let us rent, like a whole wing of that mansion at a friendly price?"

"Erik isn't gonna like that at all. He looks like a scared kitten every time he sees us together."

 

* * *

 

"Jean! I have a proposition for you!"

"My King...I hope it has nothing to do with Logan."

"Oh no! Well, it could if you choose so."

Jean did not like where this was going.

"I will be starting Wanda and Pietro's home schooling soon, and I was hoping you would help me, and perhaps we could even start something with David and Lorna as well."

"...does this mean Earth is a long-term relocation?"

"Yes, I do believe so. I do not expect you to stay here longer than you wish, my dear. If you prefer to return to Genosha, you are free to do so at anytime."

"My King, I would be honored to stay here by your side, and watch over the children."

Not to mention, go on a sixth date with one severely sideburned man.

 

* * *

 

Raven had actually given up on trying to handle any of the wedding planning.

She trusted Moira and Erik.

Well no, it was more because she would rather spend a relaxing day at the spa with Charles than taste another Red Velvet Cake or compare which is the better white: 100% pure white or 85% pure white.

So she had no idea what was on schedule today.

  
__________

 

It seemed both Azazel and Erik had a thing for the color red, or shades of. Azazel was dead set on wearing a blood red shirt under his tuxedo, while Erik wore maroon.

Up at the altar, the two men acknowledged each others' good taste with a manly nod.

The Russian stood closest to the alter, and Erik stood in the position of best man.

When Charles had walked a now visibly pregnant Raven up to the alter, he gave her a kiss on the cheeks and prepared to walk towards the best man area.

"Charles?"

{"Raven, this is your special day. Erik and I...were married at the courts yesterday."}

"But all the planning you did..."

"You can thank me by giving your brother a nephew to coddle."

 

* * *

 

Living with two newly wed couples under the same roof, no matter how expansive it is, was awkward.

Especially if one of the couples included Erik Lehnsherr.

The man seemed particularly fond of being 'accidentally' caught, while in the middle of some quite graphic situations with his husband, by their four new tenants.

If you asked Erik about it, he'll say he is little sorry for Darwin.

 

* * *

 

"Push, baby! Just a little longer!"

"Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Huh huuhh huuuh..oowww!!!"

"You're doing great! The head! I can see the head!"

"Gaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!"

"That's it! Breathe and push, breathe and push!"

"-aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!"

  
__________

 

"Congratulations, your Majesties, you are now uncles to a beautiful healthy boy."

  
__________

 

Charles and Erik enter the room to find Azazel holding his son while speaking emotionally in Russian.

On the hospital bed, Raven looked exhausted, but she had such a glow about her.

"Charles, Erik, say hi to Kurt."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
